just a rough draft but let me know what you think?
Finish my thoughts I'll send them away my breath is harsh there's nothing left to say.
upon the sheets of this lonely bed I lay.
dreaming of waking underground hopefully in the near day.
unresponsive I should be dead.
My milky white eyes rolled back in my head.
End me oh please just condemn me I'm so full of fear someone just take me out of here.
Slice my skin.
Rip the veins from within
Grip my soul.
Give it feed it to the shadows.
You know they eye me like sickly hungry crows.
Please just let me feel the pleasantries.
The feeling of being embraced by the dirt offered in the cemeteries
i'm not happy with the words about the shadows and crows the rhyming started to seem a bit forced in that area but oh well it's just a rough draft.
HAHA i thought i read cows instead of crows. I was trying to picture sickly hungry cows eyeing me, and why would hungry cows be looking at me??
but seriously, it sounds like 2 different poems if you're on your bed lieing down, then who is there to judge you.
About having a 'feeling of being embraced by the dirt'...
Have you read Anne Rice? There is a vampire in one of her stories that explains his vampire coven in Paris, and how they were buried immediately after they were made into vampires. Anyway the new vampires had to scratch their way out of the coffin and dig their way out of the dirt. The ones that weren't strong enough to get out were doomed to remain in the earth as a living vampire for eternity. Yea, being buried alive is the terrifiing.
Cory Gunz - Mr Fresh
